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Answers to Driving School Tests

The following are purportedly a sampling of REAL answers received on exams given by the California Department of Transportation's driving school (that is, Saturday Traffic School for moving violation offenders.)

Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road?
What for? He can't see my license plate.

Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop at the same time?
The pickup truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker saying, "Guns don't kill people. I do."

What are the important safety tips to remember when backing your car?
Always wear a condom.

When driving through fog, what should you use?
Your car.

What problems would you face if you were arrested for drunk driving?
I'd probably lose my buzz a lot faster.

What changes would occur in your lifestyle if you could no longer drive lawfully?
I would be forced to drive unlawfully.

What are some points to remember when passing or being passed?
Make eye contact and wave "hello" if he/she is cute.

What is the difference between a flashing red traffic light and a flashing yellow traffic light?
The color.

How do you deal with heavy traffic?
Heavy psychedelics.

What can you do to help ease a heavy traffic problem?
Carry loaded weapons.

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Last modified: Sat Apr 20 17:48:47 1996