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If Operating Systems Drove Your Car to the Store |
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Saturday, 01 July 1995 |
- MS-DOS
- You get in the car and try to remember where you put your
keys.
- Windows
- You get in the car and drive to the store very slowly,
because attached to the back of the car is a freight train.
- Windows NT
- You get in the car and write a letter that says, "go to the
store." Then you get out of the car and mail the letter to your
dashboard.
- Macintosh System 7
- You get in the car to go to the store, and the car drives you to
church.
- UNIX
- You get in the car and type grep store. You are given a
list of 400 7-11's in your area and 50 grocery stores. After
picking one and reaching speeds of 200 miles per hour en route,
you arrive at the barber shop.
- OS/2
- After fueling up with 6000 gallons of gas, you get in the
car and drive to the store with a motorcycle escort and a
marching band in procession. Halfway there, the car blows up,
killing everybody in town.
- AIX
- During the whole trip to the store, your gas meter reads full
and the car runs fine. On the way home, under the strain of
the extra cargo, the car inexplicably runs out of gas, even
though the meter still reads full. (SIGDANGER)
- Taligent/Pink
- You walk to the store with Ricardo Montalban, who tells you
how wonderful it will be when he can fly you to the store in
his Lear jet.
- S/36 SSP (mainframe)
- You get in the car and drive to the store. Halfway there you
run out of gas. While walking the rest of the way, you are run
over by kids on mopeds.
- OS/400
- An attendant locks you into the car and then drives you to
the store, where you get to watch everybody else buy filet
mignons.
- VAX/VMS
- You use up tremendous amounts of gas to go very slowly and
only get to see an image of the store.
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