Ways to be Offensive at a Wedding
Monday, 19 June 1995
Usual dumb-list disclaimers apply...
for sending me these.
- Show up with a baby and claim he belongs to the newlyweds.
- Cover yourself with glue to improve your chances of catching
- Offer to show people pictures of the bride having sex with a
- Tell people that you knew the bride before the sex change
- Tell the bride that the only reason you can look at her is that
you used to be a proctologist.
- Instead of a standard gift, give the newlyweds a gift
certificate for a drug rehab. clinic.
- As you move down the receiving line, spit on each person.
- Ask the bride's mother to give you a hand job.
- Give the bride some Bianca, and tell her it kills the taste of
- Propose a toast to the bride's nose job.
- Steal the cards from the wedding gifts so no one can tell who
they came from.
- Walk up to various guests and demand to see their invitations.
- After the bride throws her garter, start people chanting,
"Throw your bra, throw your bra..."
- Tell everyone that the groom had to be given Quaaludes to keep
him from backing out.
- Tell the rabbi that there's no money to pay him, and ask if he'll
settle for stupping the bride.
- Assure the bride's mother that the groom is "hung like a
- Return a bra which the bride left in your car.
- If there's a hunchback at a Jewish wedding tell hin that he has
to wear one yarmukle on his head and another on his hump.
- When the bride is coming down the aisle, push the organist out of the
way and start playing, "The Lady is a Tramp."