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Oxymorons and Contradictions PDF Print E-mail
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Thursday, 06 October 1994
Most likely these are borrowed from Steven Wright and similar comedians. They're not all that funny.

  • Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?

  • Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

  • Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?

  • Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?

  • Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?

  • Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?

  • Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

  • How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?

  • If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?

  • If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?

  • If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON(R), how do they make TEFLON(R) stick to the pan?

  • If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, what would happen?

  • If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?

  • You know how most packages say "Open here". What is the protocol if the package says, "Open somewhere else"?

  • Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?

  • Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?

  • Why is brassiere singular and panties plural?

  • Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?

  • You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?

  • Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?

  • I don't believe in reincarnation, but I did in my past life.


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