21 Reasons not to have kids
Tuesday, 02 May 2000
- For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious.
- For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning.
- For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control.
The following came from an anonymous mother in Austin, TX. Things
I've learned from my children
- A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2,000 sq. foot
house 4 inches deep.
- If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller
blades, they can ignite.
- A 3-year-old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
- If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not
strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a
Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all
four walls of a 20X20 foot room.
- You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on.
When using the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a
few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a
- The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball
hit by a ceiling fan.
- When you hear the toilet flush and the words, "Uh-oh", it's
already too late.
- Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
- A six-year-old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a
36-year-old man says they can only do it in the movies. A magnifying
glass can start a fire even on an overcast day.
- Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a
- Play Dough and Microwave should never be used in the same sentence.
- Super glue is forever.
- No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool, you still
can't walk on water.
- Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
- VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show
- Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
- Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
- You probably do not want to know what that odor is.
- Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do not
- The fire department in Austin has a 5 minute response time.
- The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earth worms
dizzy. It will, however, make cats dizzy, and cats throw up twice
their body weight when dizzy.