|
Sunday, 20 April 1997 |
|
A guide to deciphering what you friends mean (or perhaps what you
mean) when they say things at the local pub.
- No, really, I'm OK to drive.
- I'm wasted and should have someone bring me home but I am too
embarrassed to have anybody see who I am going home with.
- I'm not used to these darts.
- I'm not used to throwing anything smaller than a pool cue when
I am this bombed.
- Lets go out to my car and get some cigarettes. (w/ opposite sex)
- You would look great face down in my lap.
- You get this one, next round is on me.
- We won't be here long enough to get another round.
- I'll get this one, next one is on you.
- This place has dollar drafts and beers are $4.50 a pop at the
next bar.
- Hey, where is that friend of yours?
- I have no interest whatsoever in talking to you other than
you're a way to get your friend into a compromising position.
- Lets get out of here.
- I just dumped a half a pitcher of beer into that biker guy's
helmet.
- Can I get a glass of white zinfindel. (female)
- I'm easy.
- Can I get a glass of white zinfindel. (male)
- I'm gay.
- Ever try a body shot? (male to female)
- I am even willing to do a tequila shot if it means that I get
to lick you.
- Ever try a body shot? (female to male)
- If this is how wild I am in the bar, imagine what I'll do to
you on the ride home?
- Look at that girl leaving with 5 guys.
- Take a good look now because next time you see that face it
will be on the back of a milk carton.
- I don't feel well, lets go home. (female)
- You are paying more attention to your friends than me.
- I don't feel well, lets go home. (male)
- I'm horny.
- I've had like 10 beers already.
- I've only had 3, but I need an excuse to behave this way.
- Who's got the next round?
- I haven't bought a round in almost 3 years, but I am an expert
at diverting attention.
- I'm getting my life back together.
- Are you kidding? Would I be wasted in a place like this if I
had my act together? I'm a mess; fear and avoid me like
the plague.
- Excuse Me. (male to male)
- Get out of the way.
- Excuse Me. (male to female)
- I am going to grope you now.
- Excuse Me. (female to male)
- Don't even think about groping me, just get out of the way.
- Excuse Me. (female to female).
- Move your butt. Who do you think you are anyway? You are not
all that, missy, and don't think for one minute that you are.
Coming in here dressing like a ho...Get your eyes off of my
man, or I'll slap you, like the slut you are.
- I'm out of here, I have to work in the morning.
- I owe that guy who just walked in the door 100 bucks and have
been avoiding him since football season.
- What do you have on tap?
- What's cheap?
- Can I have a white Russian? (male)
- I'm really gay.
- Can I have a white Russian? (female)
- I'm really easy.
- You go ahead, I'll catch a cab
- I already lined up a ride home with your ex-girlfriend.
- That person looks really familiar.
- Did I sleep with him/her?
- Can I just get a glass of water? (female)
- I'm annoying, but cute enough to get away with this.
- Can I just get a glass of water? (male)
- It's 9:00 am and I just stopped drinking about 90 minutes
ago. Hell, I probably dropped half of my paycheck in here last
night, it is the least you can do for me.
- Do you have any Wild Turkey?
- I want to make my friend really sick so we can all laugh at him
in the morning.
- I don't have my ID on me. (female)
- I'm 19.
- I don't have my ID on me. (male)
- I don't have a license since I got pulled over and blew a 0.4
last time I was in here.
- It's OK, I'll just go home with him/her.
- There's a good chance my life will end up as the Monday Night
Shocker on NBC.
|
