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Military Aircraft Maintenance |
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Saturday, 20 April 1996 |
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These are purportedly from actual military "squawk sheets." Squawk
sheets are maintenance forms filed by the flight crews to inform the
maintenance crews of problems with the aircraft.
- Problem: "Left inside main tire almost
needs replacement."
- Solution: "Almost replaced left inside
main tire."
- Problem: "Test flight OK, except autoland
very rough."
- Solution: "Autoland not installed on this
aircraft."
- Problem: "#2 Propeller seeping prop
fluid."
- Solution 1: "#2 Propeller seepage normal."
- Solution 2: "#1,#3, and #4 propellers lack normal seepage."
- Problem: "The autopilot doesn't."
- Solution: "IT DOES NOW."
- Problem: "Something loose in cockpit."
- Solution: "Something tightened in cockpit."
- Problem: "Evidence of hydraulic leak on
right main landing gear."
- Solution: "Evidence removed."
- Problem: "Number three engine missing."
- Solution: "Engine found on right wing after
brief search."
- Problem: "DME volume unbelievably loud."
- Solution: "Volume set to more believable
level."
- Problem: Dead bugs on windshield.
- Solution: Live bugs on order.
- Problem: Autopilot in altitude hold mode
produces a 200 fpm descent.
- Solution: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
- Problem: IFF inoperative.
- Solution: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
- Problem: Friction locks cause throttle
levers to stick.
- Solution: That's what they're there for.
A Few Others
Philip White wrote to tell me a few from when he was in the Air Force:
- Problem: Right engine sounds like little man with little hammer on shut down
- Solution: Remove hammer from little man
- Problem: Cockpit is infested with little white spiders
- Solution: stomp and squish as required
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