Military Aircraft Maintenance
Saturday, 20 April 1996
These are purportedly from actual military "squawk sheets." Squawk
sheets are maintenance forms filed by the flight crews to inform the
maintenance crews of problems with the aircraft.
- Problem: "Left inside main tire almost
- Solution: "Almost replaced left inside
- Problem: "Test flight OK, except autoland
- Solution: "Autoland not installed on this
- Problem: "#2 Propeller seeping prop
- Solution 1: "#2 Propeller seepage normal."
- Solution 2: "#1,#3, and #4 propellers lack normal seepage."
- Problem: "The autopilot doesn't."
- Solution: "IT DOES NOW."
- Problem: "Something loose in cockpit."
- Solution: "Something tightened in cockpit."
- Problem: "Evidence of hydraulic leak on
right main landing gear."
- Solution: "Evidence removed."
- Problem: "Number three engine missing."
- Solution: "Engine found on right wing after
- Problem: "DME volume unbelievably loud."
- Solution: "Volume set to more believable
- Problem: Dead bugs on windshield.
- Solution: Live bugs on order.
- Problem: Autopilot in altitude hold mode
produces a 200 fpm descent.
- Solution: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
- Problem: IFF inoperative.
- Solution: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
- Problem: Friction locks cause throttle
levers to stick.
- Solution: That's what they're there for.
A Few Others
Philip White wrote to tell me a few from when he was in the Air Force:
- Problem: Right engine sounds like little man with little hammer on shut down
- Solution: Remove hammer from little man
- Problem: Cockpit is infested with little white spiders
- Solution: stomp and squish as required