Sunday, 21 April 1996
Rumor has it that these come from a Rita Rudner routine and/or book.
- Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved.
- Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for
marriage. They've experienced pain and have bought jewelry.
- Marrying a divorced man is ecologically responsible. In a
world where there are more women than men, it pays to
- Men are very confident people. My husband is so confident that
when he watches sports on television, he thinks that if he
concentrates he can help his team. If the team is in trouble,
he coaches the players from our living room, and if they're
really in trouble, I have to get off the phone in case they
- Men like phones with lots of buttons. It makes them feel
- Men love to be the first to read the newspaper in the morning.
Not being the first is upsetting to their psyches.
- All men are afraid of eyelash curlers. I sleep with one under
my pillow instead of a gun.
- A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men
usually have jobs and bathe.
- All men hate to hear "We need to talk about our relationship."
These seven words strike fear into the heart of even General
- Men are sensitive in strange ways. If a man has built a fire
and the last log does not burn, he will take it personally.
- Men have an easier time buying bathing suits. Women have two
types: depressing and more depressing. Men have two types:
nerdy and nerdy
- Men have higher body temperatures than women. If your heating
goes out in winter, I recommend sleeping next to a man. Men are
like portable heaters that snore.
- Women take clothing much more seriously than men. I've never
seen a man walk into a party and say, "Oh, my God, I'm so
embarrased. Get me out of here. There's another man wearing a
- Most men hate to shop. That's why the men's department is
usually on the first floor, two inches from the door.
- If a man prepares dinner for you and the salad contains three
or more types of lettuce, he is serious.
- If you're dating a man who you think might be "Mr. Right"
you are in for a nasty surprise. The cocoon-to-butterfly
theory only works on cocoons and butterflies.
- got older,
- got a new job, or
- visited a psychiatrist,
- No man is charming all the time. Even Cary Grant is on record
saying he wished he could be Cary Grant.
- When four or more men get together, they talk about sports.
- When four or more women get together, they talk about men.
- Men are less sentimental than women. No man has ever seen the
movie THE WAY WE WERE twice voluntarily.
- Most women are introspective: "Am I in love? Am I emotionally
and creatively fulfilled?" Most men are outrospective: "Did my
team win? How's my car?"
- If a man says, "I'll call you," and he doesn't, he didn't
forget... he didn't lose your number... he didn't die. He just
didn't want to call you.
- Men hate to lose. I once beat my husband at tennis. I asked
him, "Are we going to have sex again?" He said, "Yes, but not
with each other."
- Getting rid of a man without hurting his masculinity is a
problem. "Get out" and "I never want to see you again" might
sound like a challenge. If you want to get rid of a man, I
suggest saying "I love you... I want to marry you... I want to
have your children." Sometimes they leave skid marks.
- Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying with
superheroes. Women have bad self-images because they grow up
identifying with Barbie.
- Male menopause is a lot more fun than female menopause. With
female menopause you gain weight and get hot flashes. Male
menopause -- you get to date young girls and drive motorcycles.
- Men forget everything; women remember everything. That's why
men need instant replays in sports. They've already forgotten