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The Movie Laws of Computers and Electronics |
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Saturday, 08 February 1997 |
- Word processors never display a cursor.
- You never have to use the space-bar when typing long sentences.
- All monitors display inch-high letters.
- High-tech computers, such as those used by NASA, the CIA, or
some such governmental institution, will have easy to
understand graphical interfaces. Those that don't, have
incredibly powerful text-bases command shells that can
correctly understand and execute commands typed in plain
English.
- Corollary: you can gain access to any information you want by
simply typing "ACCESS ALL OF THE SECRET FILES" on any
keyboard.
- Likewise, you can infect a computer with a destructive virus by
simply typing "UPLOAD VIRUS" (see "Fortress")
- All computers are connected. You can access the information on
the villain's desktop computer, even if it's turned off.
- Powerful computers beep whenever you press a key or whenever
the screen changes. Some computers also slow down the output
on the screen so that it doesn't go faster than you can read.
The *really* advanced ones also emulate the sound of a
dot-matrix printer.
- All computer panels have thousands of volts and flash pots just
underneath the surface. Malfunctions are indicated by a bright
flash, a puff of smoke, a shower of sparks, and an explosion
that forces you backwards.
- People typing away on a computer will turn it off without
saving the data.
- A hacker can get into the most sensitive computer in the world
before intermission and guess the secret password in two
tries.
- Any PERMISSION DENIED has an OVERRIDE function (see "Demolition
Man" and countless others).
- Complex calculations and loading of huge amounts of data will
be accomplished in under three seconds. Movie modems usually
appear to transmit data at the speed of two gigabytes per
second.
- When the power plant/missile site/whatever overheats, all the
control panels will explode, as will the entire building.
- If a disk has got encrypted files, you are automatically asked
for a password when you try to access it.
- No matter what kind of computer disk it is, it'll be readable
by any system you put it into. All application software is
usable by all computer platforms The more high-tech the
equipment, the more buttons it has (Aliens). However, everyone
must have been highly trained, because the buttons aren't
labelled.
- Most computers, no matter how small, have reality-defying
three-dimensional, active animation, photo-realistic graphics
capability.
- Laptops, for some strange reason, always seem to have amazing
real-time video phone capabilities and the performance of a
CRAY Supercomputer.
- Whenever a character looks at a VDU, the image is so bright
that it projects itself onto his/her face (see "Alien",
"2001").
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