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If Operating Systems Drove Your Car to the Store

MS-DOS
You get in the car and try to remember where you put your keys.

Windows
You get in the car and drive to the store very slowly, because attached to the back of the car is a freight train.

Windows NT
You get in the car and write a letter that says, "go to the store." Then you get out of the car and mail the letter to your dashboard.

Macintosh System 7
You get in the car to go to the store, and the car drives you to church.

UNIX
You get in the car and type grep store. You are given a list of 400 7-11's in your area and 50 grocery stores. After picking one and reaching speeds of 200 miles per hour en route, you arrive at the barber shop.

OS/2
After fueling up with 6000 gallons of gas, you get in the car and drive to the store with a motorcycle escort and a marching band in procession. Halfway there, the car blows up, killing everybody in town.

AIX
During the whole trip to the store, your gas meter reads full and the car runs fine. On the way home, under the strain of the extra cargo, the car inexplicably runs out of gas, even though the meter still reads full. (SIGDANGER)

Taligent/Pink
You walk to the store with Ricardo Montalban, who tells you how wonderful it will be when he can fly you to the store in his Lear jet.

S/36 SSP (mainframe)
You get in the car and drive to the store. Halfway there you run out of gas. While walking the rest of the way, you are run over by kids on mopeds.

OS/400
An attendant locks you into the car and then drives you to the store, where you get to watch everybody else buy filet mignons.

VAX/VMS
You use up tremendous amounts of gas to go very slowly and only get to see an image of the store.


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Last modified: Sat Jul 1 23:45:05 1995