These were sent to me in one huge email. Many of them are stupid, some are the same as quotes in another page of quotes in my funny pages. This is a really long list.
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder...
3 kinds of people: those who can count and those who can't.
Sign on baby's bib: SPIT HAPPENS.
Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?
....Every morning is the dawn of a new error...
A flying saucer results when a nudist spills his coffee.
For people who like peace and quiet: a phoneless cord.
I can see clearly now, the brain is gone...
The beatings will continue until morale improves.
I used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.
Mental Floss prevents Moral Decay.
Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.
Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.
I don't have a solution but I admire the problem.
Don't be so open-minded your brains fall out.
If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished!
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... till you can find a rock.
Diplomacy - the art of letting someone have your way.
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
If things get any worse, I'll have to ask you to stop helping me.
If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary forms.
Don't look back, they might be gaining on you.
It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere.
Help Wanted: Telepath. You know where to apply.
Look out for #1. Don't step in #2 either.
Budget: A method for going broke methodically.
Car service: If it ain't broke, we'll break it.
Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark.
Do witches run spell checkers?
Copywight 1994 Elmer Fudd. All wights wesewved.
Department of Redundancy Department
What has four legs and an arm? A happy pit bull.
Buy a Pentium 586/90 so you can reboot faster.
1 + 1 = 3 for sufficient quantities of 1. Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.
Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.
My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.
Access denied--nah nah na nah nah!
Southern DOS: Y'all reckon? (Yep/Nope)
Backups? We don' *NEED* no steenking backups.
... File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
Ethernet (n): something used to catch the etherbunny
A mainframe: The biggest PC peripheral available.
An error? Impossible! My modem is error correcting.
Does fuzzy logic tickle?
24 hours in a day...24 beers in a case...coincidence?
Disinformation is not as good as datinformation.
All computers wait at the same speed.
DEFINITION: Computer - A device designed to speed and automate errors.
Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.....
Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue...
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI!
Hit any user to continue.
Will the information superhighway have any rest stops?
Beware of programmers who carry screwdrivers.
Relax, its only ONES and ZEROS!