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Dr. Suess Writes for Star Trek TNG

by
Dave Fuller

Picard
Sigma Indri, that's the star,
So, Data, please, how far? How far?

Data
Our ship can get there very fast
But still the trip will last and last
We'll have two days til we arrive
But can the Indrans there survive?

Picard
LaForge, please give us factor nine.

LaForge
But, sir, the engines are offline!

Picard
Offline! But why? I want to go!
Please make it so, please make it so!

Riker
But sir, if Geordi says we can't,
We can't, we mustn't, and we shan't,
The danger here is far too great!

Picard
But surely we must not be late!

Troi
I'm sensing anger and great ire.

Computer
Alert! Alert! The ship's on fire!

Picard
The ship's on fire? How could this be?
Who lit the fire?

Riker
Not me.

Worf
Not me.

Picard
Computer, how long til we die?

Computer
Eight minutes left to say goodbye.

Data
May I suggest a course to take?
We could, I think, quite safely make
Extinguishers from tractor beams
And stop the fire, or so it seems...

Geordi
Hurray! Hurray! You've saved the day!
Again I say, Hurray! Hurray!

Picard
Mr. Data, thank you much.
You've saved our lives, our ship, and such.

Troi
We still must save the Indran planet --

Data
Which (by the way) is made of granite...

Picard
Enough, you android. Please desist.
We understand -- we get your gist.
But can we get our ship to go?
Please, make it so, PLEASE make it so.

Geordi
There's sabotage among the wires
And that's what started all the fires.

Riker
We have a saboteur? Oh, no!
We need to go! We need to go!

Troi
We must seek out the traitor spy
And lock him up and ask him why?

Worf
Ask him why? How sentimental.
I say give him problems dental.

Troi
Are any Romulan ships around?
Have scanners said that they've been found?
Or is it Borg or some new threat
We haven't even heard of yet?
I sense no malice in this crew.
Now what are we supposed to do?

Crusher
Captain, please, the Indrans need us.
They cry out, "Help us, clothe us, feed us!"
I can't just sit and let them die!
A doctor MUST attempt -- MUST try!

Picard
Doctor, please, we'll get there soon.

Crusher
They may be dead by Tuesday noon.

*COMMERCIAL BREAK, COMMERCIAL BREAK
HOW LONG WILL THESE DUMB ADS TAKE?*

Worf
The saboteur is in the brig.
He's very strong and very big.
I had my phaser set on stun --
A zzzip! A zzzap! Another one!
He would not budge, he would not fall,
He would not stun, no, not at all!
He changed into a stranger form
All soft and purple, round and warm.

Picard
Did you see this, Mr. Worf?
Did you see this creature morph?

Worf
I did and then I beat him fairly.
Hit him on the jaw -- quite squarely.

Riker
My commendations, Klingon friend!
Our troubles now are at an end!

Crusher
Now let's get our ship to fly
And orbit yonder Indran sky!

Picard
LaForge, please tell me we can go...?

Geordi
Yes, sir, we can.

Picard
Then make it so!


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Last modified: Sun Dec 10 22:44:58 1995