19 Ways to be Offensive at a Funeral
- Tell the widow that the deceased's last wish was that she have
sex with you.
- Tell the undertaker that he can't close the coffin until you
find your contact lens.
- Punch the body and tell people he hit you first.
- Tell the widow that you're the deceased's gay lover.
- Ask someont to take a snapshot of you shaking hands with the
- At the cemetary, play taps on a kazoo.
- Walk around telling people that you've seen the will and
they're not in it.
- Ask the widow to give you an enema.
- Drive behind the widow's limo and keep honking your horn.
- Tell the undertaker that your dog just died and ask him if he
can sneak him into the coffin.
- Place a hard boiled egg into the mouth of the deceased.
- Slip a whoopee cushion under the widow.
- Leave some phony dog mess on top of the deceased.
- Tell the widow that you have to leave early and ask if the will
can be read before the funeral is over.
- Urge the widow to give the deceased's wooden leg to someone
poor who can't afford firewood.
- Walk around telling people that the deceased didn't like them.
- Use the deceased's tongue to lick a stamp.
- Ask the widow for money which the deceased owes you.
- Take up a collection to pay off the deceased's gambling debts.
Thanks to Mike Allen
for sending me these.
Last modified: Mon Jun 19 22:07:54 1995 [Paco]