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If Operating Systems Flew Your Airline |
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Saturday, 01 July 1995 |
MS-DOS Airline
Everybody pushes the airplane until it glides, then they jump on and
let the plane coast until it hits the ground again, then they push again
jump on again, and so on.
MS-DOS with QEMM Airline
The same but with more legroom to push.
Macintosh Airline
All the stewards, stewardesses, captains, baggage handlers, and
ticket agents look the same, act the same, and talk the same. Every
time you ask questions about details, you are told you don't need
to know, don't want to know, and that everything will be done for
you, so just shut up.
OS/2 Airline
To board the plane, you have your ticket stamped ten different times
by standing in ten different lines. Then you fill our a form showing
where you want to sit and whether the plane should look and feel like
an ocean liner, a passenger train or a bus. If you succeed in getting
on the plane and the plane succeeds in taking off the ground, you have
a wonderful trip...except for the time when the rudder and flaps
get frozen in position, in which case you will just have time to say
your prayers and get in crash position.
Windows Airline
The airport terminal is nice and colorful, with friendly stewards and
stewardesses, easy access to the plane, and a completely uneventful
takeoff...then, once in the air the plane blows up without any warning
whatsoever.
Windows NT Airline
Everyone marches out onto the runway, says the password in unison, and
forms the outline of a plane. Then they all sit down and make
a whooshing sound like they are flying.
Unix Airline
Everyone brings a piece of the plane with them when they come to the
airport. They all go out on the runway and put the plane together
piece by piece, arguing constantly about what kind of plane they are
building.
Newton Airline
After buying your ticket 18 months in advance, you finally get to
board the plane. Upon boarding the plane you are asked your name.
After 46 times, the crew member recognizes your name and then you are
allowed to take your seat. As you are getting ready to take your seat,
the steward announces that you have to repeat the boarding process
because they are out of room and need to recount to make sure they can
take more passengers.
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