What Is This Place?
You've found Paco's Funny Pages. This is a collection of email, news
postings and other random text that people e-mail me. I make no claims
about how truthful it is. I did not write anyof it. I often remove
expletives. The opinions expressed below
are not necessarily mine. If any of it offends you, I'm sorry.
Can't decide? Get a
random page. Remember, some are funnier than others.
I truly believe that everyonecan find something rib-tickling
funny here, so dig in... read some.
I now track my search engine referral zeitgeist. It's really amazing what you perverts are searching for. I'm amazed you find your way here.
- Get a Random Name for your Company.
Are you trying to make a dot com, but don't know what to call your
great new company? Why pay expensive consultants for it when I can do it
for you for free. A bunch of random words thrown together to make a
- Office Buzzword Bingo. Get your playing
boards here for Buzzword Bingo. When somebody says some dumb
buzzword in your meetings, you mark it off!
- I'm no fan of country music. I was thrilled when this came
down the pipe: An Automatic
Country & Western Song Generator.
- Random names for English towns: Randomly creates some lovely names of towns that you might find as you travel around the UK.
- Name That Theme Song:
We play the theme to a TV show or movie, and you try to guess it.
- Ear Street: Another musical game,
based on music-theory. We play chords and scales, and you try to
guess them. Requires somewhat advanced knowledge of music theory.
These are things derived (purportedly) from actual circumstances;
things that really happened.
- An assortment of funny and interesting anagrams.
- Goofy headlines from 1998.
- A nice story on how to practically blow yourself up with fireworks.
- Silly (but intriguing) factsthat
you don't need to know.
Another candidate for the
"Darwin Awards." These guys should never have
been allowed to purchase dynamite.
- Top-notch military aircraft pilots and maintenance crews
solve problems in interesting
Some would-be nature lovers just don't understand how things in
the big forest work. See their
- Some people are just not well suited to a life of crime. Read
about some really dumb crooks.
- Silly want-adsthat have purportedly
appeared in real newspapers.
- What some kids have to say about
falling in love.
- Quotes from famous politicians attempting to
skirt the truth.
- Newpaper editors are usually pretty good, but under pressure
and when they're up past their bedtime they sometimes produce
very funny headlines.
- Despite our best intentions, especially at church, we
occasionally make some funny mistakes. Like the newspaper
headlines above, these are
funny mistakes in church bulletins.
- Disorder in the
Court: Courtroom tranquips that are hilarious.
- I am definitely not a "Generation X" person. I am a
Child of the 80's!
- Great excusespeople have given to
their auto insurance companies about why they had an accident.
- Dear Public Services...Actual
letters to the public services administrations in some
- College students are familiar with end-of-the-semester course
evaluations. Here are the best
and worst commentsculled from a 1991 review at MIT.
- Ever thought passing your drivers test was hard? It would be a
lot harder if you gave answers
- Since I am recently married, I find this discussion of
a woman's role in marriage
- Famous badquotes from
famous people. They are mainly shortsighted bloopers by
some very important people who would later eat their words.
- Lots of foreign countries try to make us Americans feel at
home. Here's a few attempts that didn't go so well. The lose something in translation.
- In a similar vein to the bad translations, a New York magazine
recently had a contest for people to take a well-known
expression in a foreign language, change a single letter, and
provide a definition for the new expression.
The resultsare pretty funny.
- You would think that any high school kid would be thrilled to
get a letter from MIT, but not
this one. Actually, the letter is rather snobby.
- America is winning whichtechnology race? Not if
you look at these students' answers on
- Take some writing tips from college essays. These are
the best and worst analogies
used in college essays.
- The World According to Student
- How notto remove a dead
whalethat has washed up on a beach.
- Physical reasons why there cannot be a
- Your ears deceive you. Some of those songs that
really seemed to have strange lyrics don't. You just heard them wrong. Here's an even better
collection of misheard lyrics, too.
- I'm not the only funny guy from the UVA CS department
here. Gabe Robinshas a funny quotes page. His quotes
are funny and they're from real people. I've got a few silly quotes, too.
Even better. I've got a bunch of
quotes from Dan Quayle. At least these claim to be from
- I have a James Brown Pagethat is
mainly just samples of him.
These are either stories that pretend to be factual, or jokes that
have no basis in fact whatsoever.
An Exploration of the Differences Between Men and Women.
- Some silly puns and jokes.
Units of measurethat they didn't teach in school!
Is thinking ruining your life? You might be a problem thinker!
What are the physics of hell?
Read and find out.
A mock report from Consumer Reportson how to
find and evaluate a girlfriend.
- Some of The Bible's great parables
set in a graduate schoolmotif.
I'm not calling the Bible fiction by including this in this
- As we all know, geeks make great lovers. If you don't believe
me, try reading A Gal's Guide to Geek
- I'm sure you want to know
how E-Mail is like a penis. This is
not sexually explicit at all.
- What do you think would happen if
Dr. Seuss wrote a scriptfor Star
Trek, The Next Generation?
- Looking for self improvement? Here's a
catalogue of coursesthat may interest you!
- The new sport that is sweeping the nation:
- All your favorite philosophers (and some other famous people)
answer the age-old question: why
did the chicken cross the road?
- In case you've forgotten what men are like, here are
invaluable facts on mento have
at your disposal.
- College students in burger joints
overheard around the nation.
- For all your friendship needs, we're pleased to offer the
Managed Caring Plan.
- This claims to be true, but I bet
1994's Most Bizarre Suicideis from alt.folklore.urban.
- Well, you're ready to graduate. Before we can let you out into
the real world, however, you must first pass this Final Exam.
- Why God Never Received Tenure at Any
- Cartoon Laws of Physics
- Do you remember Schoolhouse
Rock!from way back when? I do. I grew up on it. Here's
most of their songs.
- The Politically Correct Little Red Riding
Hoodis only one of many funny versions of the children's
fairy tale floating around.
W. Stinebringsent me a
version written in a great mock German
- Being a vegetarian, I just love
Science and Computer Related Humor
When computers are featured in movies and TV, the producers
always follow special rules
for depicting them.
- A collection of jokesabout
mathemeticians and other scientists.
- A poem to celebrate PC spelling
- Someday I hope to be the last hold
- Ever wonder what all the crazy terms mean in computer-talk?
This glossary of computer
termswill help you understand.
- You never knew just how bad the metaphor
you see it taken to it's logical conclusion.
- The Devil and David Webster.
A story about a world-class programmer and the Devil himself.
- Some ways to tell if you're an
engineer. Some of these are frighteningly accurate, others
are just plain stupid.
- OOG the caveman posts to USENET looking for
help with his printer.
- One of my absolute favorite computer poems:
A Grandchild's Guide to Using
Unfortunately, several imitations
and "improvements" are floating around the
'net. For those who have seen, or perhaps even passed on the
bogus versions, Gene has penned Hang
the Information HighwaymanBoth of these come, with
permission, directly from the original author.
- For the first time in, oh, a decade, I think, something from
Microsoft shipped on time: Microsoft
Child for Windows.
- If Operating Systems Ran Your
- In a similar vein, what if Operating
Systems were Beers?
- Star Trek Meets MS Windows!
- Real Programmers ...Think you're a
real programmer? Read this and find out.
- What if buying computers
was like buying a car?
- What is the difference between how an EE and a CS
person would design a toaster?
Read about it in The King and the
- There are a number of ways to shoot
yourself in the foot, depending on which programming
language you're in.
- Stupid Unix Tricks. This is old.
Some Unixes probably don't behave this way any more.
- List of Unusual Computer Viruses
- Some taglinesfor your .signature
- "Hello, this is Technical Support from
Hell, how may I help you?"
- Think you can write obfuscated C code? Hah! Try this oneon for size. I won't tell you the
output from it. You'll have to compile and run it in order to see
what it does.
Want more? There is an official ftp site for
The Obfuscated C Code Contest. It's strictly
text-oriented, so here is a HTML version of their READMEfile. Thanks to Jeff Chowfor sending
me the URL.
- The Top 10 Signs Your Child is a
- What the world would be like if
operating systems drove you to the store.
Lists of Stuff
These are lists of stuff. Sometimes they're lists on a theme, top 10
lists, and so on.
- Some Q & As about Intel's
Pentium FDIV Bug.
- The Top Ten New Slogansfor
- The Top Ten Reasonsto buy a
- Pentium FDIV Bug Blamed For Many Errors.
Story on page A1.